After a kill -9, I figured time to uninstall Parallels, since I haven't used it in over a year, and this particular install is a few versions of OSX old. There was a parallels oriented process that was taking up 100% of my Mac's processor usage (prl_disp_service if you must know), as well as killing my battery.
I swear to Flying Motherfucking Spaghetti Ass Monster, I haven't encountered anything this bad since trying to a complete uninstall of the Norton 'suite' of products on Windows XP. It turns out trying to remove Parallels is like trying to remove cancer. I do not have the dmg file that it came with, because everyone on the planet WITHOUT a stick up their ass, do not save dmg files.
All I want to do is uninstall your fucking product.